Noche de Chile de la Iguana

Night of the Iguana’s Chili

Approx. 300 words | 2-minute read

First, let me say: this story is just pure fiction!

Señora Juanita Espinosa de Garcia was a striking, beautiful woman. I say striking because she had the temper of a Mexican bobcat and lashed out at anyone who rubbed her the wrong way.

Juanita was the head cook of a small border-town Mexican cocina known as Lagarto Sonriente, or Smiling Lizard. Her favorite dish was her homemade chili, and she was very touchy about how she prepared it.

I know because, on one of my escape weekends into Mexico, I stopped at her cocina for a cold cerveza and tacos. Unknowingly, I commented to another customer that I thought her chili was a little mild.

Then this fire-breathing Mexican woman, who just happened to overhear me, stormed out of her kitchen and attacked me with her long wooden spoon! Her dark Spanish eyes pierced mine, and her long, forked tongue lashed at my face like that of an angry diamondback rattlesnake.

It was plain to see I had deeply offended Señora Garcia.

Finally, after she calmed down, I complimented her on her long, shiny, jet-black hair. I sensed she might be susceptible to a little vanity puffery! After she swooned and fell into my waiting arms, I kissed her hot, puckered red lips—they were covered with chili powder—and she invited me to join her in the kitchen for another bowl of her even hotter chili.

Let me tell you, that woman knew how to please a hungry man like me.

Later that night, Juanita gave me her secret chili recipe there in her kitchen. Of course, as a gentleman, I promised never to reveal it.

Some chili recipes are actually hotter, I found out.

— Melton Carr